How to Get To Know Yourself
Plus, 20 questions to get started. Dig in!
The world is constantly trying to tell us who we are. Our social feeds, ads, algorithms— even that random lady at the store who insists that overly oversized top looks amazing on you (it doesn’t). We’re bombarded with noise all day, every day, trying to make sense of it and hoping it somehow leads us in the right direction. But if you don’t know how to tune it out, you’ll lose yourself in the chaos.
That’s where self-inquiry comes in. When you start asking yourself the right questions—what you actually like, what makes you feel good, what you want your life to look like—you create a filter. You start focusing on what truly matters to you and moving through life with intention. And once you learn how to do that, everything shifts.“All of us invent ourselves. Some of us just have more imagination than others.”
It’s easy to become passive about life, instead of active. But here’s what I believe to be true: Life isn’t about finding yourself—it’s about building yourself. And when you build something intentionally, nobody else gets to tell you what it is.
Why does knowing yourself even matter?
I believe it’s difficult to go through life without personal conviction and self-assurance. Without them, you’re not really leading your own life — you’re reacting, second-guessing, and never feeling grounded in your own decisions. Conviction gives you a clear direction, and self-assurance gives you the confidence to follow it, even when it’s uncomfortable. That combination changes everything.
You’ve probably heard that example: someone walks up to you and says, "I hate your blue hair." But your hair isn’t blue—it’s blonde. So, why would that bother you? It doesn’t, because it’s simply not true. That’s the level of self-knowing I want—to be so grounded in who I am that the fear of being perceived stops holding any weight. Self-identity brings you back to what truly matters and helps you discard anything that doesn’t.
When you understand yourself—your values, your non-negotiables, and the way you move through the world—you stop outsourcing your self-worth.
Build, don’t find
You’re not supposed to be wandering through life waiting to “find” yourself like some lost AirPod. You choose who you are. Every decision—big or small—shapes your personality, your habits, your values. You decide how you spend your time, how you react to situations, what kind of friend you are, how you treat yourself.
At the end of the day, your personality is a collection of choices. That YOU choose. And the most interesting, self-assured people are the ones who make those choices with intention.
20 Journal prompts for self-understanding
A big part of self-understanding is about asking yourself the right questions to help you reflect, get clarity, and grow. I came across the book The Year of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts for Creative Self-Discovery by Hannah Braime that makes this journey of self discovery laid out for you, one prompt a day. Let me know if you need an accountability partner because I am IN! Here are a few prompts that you can start with:
What are the different roles you play in your life (e.g. mother, partner, sister, etc.) List as many as you can think of.
How are you most often misunderstood? Why do you think this is?
What do you wish more people knew about you?
How is your life different today to how you imagined it would be when you were younger?
What habits or routines make you feel like your best self?
What drains your energy vs. what recharges you?
How do you show love to yourself?
What kind of friend/partner/family member do you strive to be?
How would other people describe you if you asked?
How do you feel about your age?
What is one quality you embody that you hope to keep for the rest of your life?
What activities make you lose track of time?
What are you excited about right now?
Name 3 people who have had a big impact on your life.
How do you comfort yourself in hard times?
What’s one belief you were raised with that you now disagree with?
What colours do you surround yourself with on a daily basis?
Make a list of ten things that make you smile.
What are you procrastinating right now? Why?
When have you felt at your riches?
One last thing
Knowing yourself holds all of the power, and self-inquiry is how you get there. It’s basically the art of asking yourself the right questions—over and over—until you gain the kind of clarity and confidence that makes decision-making feel second nature. I don’t think this journey has an end destination, but that’s the beauty of it. As we go through life, every experience is an opportunity to get to know ourselves better.
At the end of the day, knowing yourself isn’t just about deep thoughts and journal entries—it’s about self-reliance. When you’re solid in who you are, the world doesn’t get to define you.
So, tell them who you are. And then go live like it.
I love this!